Anger

During the cold night, it was then that it finally sunk in and I realized that Ken broke up with me.

I got my cellphone and started to to text him.

"Ken you know what? Ngayon lang nagsi-sink in sa kin. I'm sure you know how fickle minded I am. I really dunno if I can still be friends with you. I know by now you're already updating each other that you already told me about your budding romance. I don't think I'l be happy knowing that. You hurt me so much Ken. Of all the people why ikaw pa. Pero right now, I don't want to know you anymore. I can't say that I'll be happy for the both of you coz right now, you're two of my ultimately most hated persons. but who knows? i might wish you well later in life. I have deleted her number and changed your name in my cellphone. Still, I thank you for everything. I've learned a lot from you. You're one of the people I really admire. Sorry for everything that I did to make you sad and mad. I just want to say this for the last time, I love you Ken. I'll just wish it would last"

Since I chose to forget everything, he replied something like "Sorry, I know I'm an asshole".

"Yes Ken you are an asshole. You really hurt me. ... You are the person I admire the most and yet you are my biggest disappointment. You're probably my karma for whatever that I did NOT do. I just hope you'll never find yours"

"Please don't think this is karma"

"Yes it is. I had a lot to say to you kanina but I opted not dahil I was expecting this. Sana nahiya kayo sa boyfriend and girlfriend ng isa't isa bago kayo nag-aminan dahil sobrang sama nyo. Grabe kayo. Ako never ko naisip na ma-i-inlove ako kay Guy Friend, sa bestfriend mo. Or sa ibang tao for that matter. Katangahan ko lang nagfocus ako masyado sa yo. Now i know how stupid I really am. Good thing ito yung reason. Thank you forgettable to. You're a fraud. Sana ako na yung last person na maganito mo. Thanks."

No replies. I wasn't satisfied.

"I appreciate everything you did Ken. And I wish I could keep it forever. Funny, kasabay natin si Reese and Ryan Philippe. And you just did a Chad Michael Murray. Thank you coz I know this will bring out the best in me. I will be a better, stronger and more beautiful person. But i will never ever look for a Chad nor a Ryan and even a Ken anymore"

"Blah blah blah.. I don't regret anything in this relationship."

"Sorry Ken pero ako I have. I deeply regret that day that I knew you. But i know this experience will make me a better and wiser person. And I also really hope and wish we'll be ok in the future. But I dunno if I can give you and myself that. Thanks."

He replied. Message was something nice.

"Last one. Just one huge favor. Please don't act as if you're too nice or whatever. you're sending the wrong signals eh. You're acting as if we can still work this out.Thanks Ken Good night. Hope you'll have a good night's sleep after what you did to your bestfriend and your girlfriend. I wish you well.'

Can anyone blame me for having said all of these to him? I was so furious! I was enraged! I did not do anything to deserve this!

I have to warn you that the succeeding statements contain explicit damning, cussing, swearing. Would just like to say that this is not me. I am usually a happy person. It's just a part of me. A raging mims that has just been unleashed.

He even told me "if i had a choice, i wouldn't do this".
And I said "What? You ALWAYS have a choice! That's what you told me! You always have a choice in everything you do!"

He even said we can't choose who to love. putanginang ka-bullshit-an yan! Kung nung mga time na may nafeefeel ka na para dun sa girlfriend ng bestfriend mo, kung matino kang tao, ikaw yung didistansha! Tangina BESTFRIEND mo yun! You HAD a fuckin' CHOICE!!

When I got into this relationship with Ken, I had a super crush back then who kept on calling and messaging me. Ken told me nagseselos sya dun sa guy. I was assuring him na wala na yun which is so fuckin true dahil wala na talaga akong crush dun. Because i'm completely satisfied with Ken! We even fought about it nung kasabay ko sila naka-YM. Putangina ano ginawa ko? Tangina ako lumayo! I didn't fuckin care kung magfall apart yung friendship namin nung guy pero lumayo ako dahil lang sa putanginang ayaw ng Ken na yan na makipag-usap ako sa kanya! I had a fucking CHOICE! I chose ken over my crush! Tangina tapos ako binu-bullshit nya ngayon na wala syang choice? Putanginang ka-bullshit-an yan! Bullshit amputah! Bullshit! Tang ina! Nung moment na may ne-feel ka, tang ina, dapat lumayo ka na di ba? Choice yun eh. Tang ina di ba? The whole time I was with Ken, i'm confident that i never had a crush on anyone else. Mali pala yun!

Now tell me. Do I fuckin deserve this? DO I FUCKIN DESERVE THIS!?!?!? I admit, I'm mad at them pero I dunno, hindi ko makuhang magalit dun sa girl kasi SIYA yun eh. PUTANGINA LANG TALAGA!

Hinga muna tayo. Disclaimer: This is not Ken Pagal ha. :-)