Last Resort

It finally hit me. Once a man cheats on you, he is perfectly capable of doing it again.

That was when I decided I would let Ken go. But because I still love him, I just couldn't let him go that easily.

So again, enter cellphone...

"Hi Ken, how are you? I need closure. I don't want this to stay in my mind for a long time. And I don't wanna stay mad at you or Her anymore. I'm going to make my final decision and I need you to help me on this. hope we can talk asap. Thanks"

"I want us to be ok mims. I know it'll take a long time pero I'll do what I can to make it happen." (Yeah right)

"Define 'ok' Ken".

"Na hindi ka na galit sa kin" (My gad! Is that possible?!?!?!)

"And do you have any idea what you need to go through to achieve that?"

Reply goes something like.. "I don't know but i'll try my best".

"Good luck. i hope so too. :-) but one last question Ken. hope you'll answer it with a yes or no only. Are you still willing to work this out? I mean, can we still be together?"

"To be honest mims, no, i don'th think we can" (Ouch!)

"Ok thanks. Appreciate your honesty. Another thing. Do you love her?"

"Yes i do" (Double Ouch!) .... "I'm really sorry mims, i just want to be honest. I don't want to continue hurting you" (Fine, appreciate the honesty. At least he had the balls to tell me the truth. Truth really does hurt. I'm still mad though. Mad that I still love him at this point but he doesn't love me anymore. It's unfair. In the end, it all boils down to the choice)

"Ok. Since when?"

"I don't remember. Basta when we really got to talking. I realized it. And sobrang di ko kaya maging sa isang relationship knowing i have feelings for someone else. It's unfair" (Of course it's unfair dammit! again, if you only chose to stay away then it wouldn't come to this. That means ginusto mo! Sino niloko mo?)

"Do you have plans of being with her?"

"Maybe.. yes. I don't want to think of the future yet. I just want to distance myself from a lot of things for a while"

"Ok. I knew this was coming. Do you think I should've done something before to stop it?

"Was there anything you or I could do? I don't really know. Let's not think of the past. Basta mims, one of my biggest regrets is having to hurt you for the truth".

"My biggest regret is trusting you too much. And her. Alam mo ok lang naman sa kin eh. I just don't understand why it had to be you and her"

"Same. I ask that to myself" (it's because you CHOSE to fall in frickin love with her dammit! Damn those choices!)

"Ok. That's just what I needed. I don't think we'll meet up again. And thanks for being Ken. Thanks for giving me both happy and unhappy moments. I did and gave my best. I just wish you well in everything you do. And I pray that you be happy. Thanks again for the memories. You taught me how to love and lost. I know I'll be a better person. And i know God has a much better plan for the both of us. It was really nice knowing you, Ken. Good bye."

"If ever you need a friend mims. I'm always here. i'll listen, to all the Pfizer moments, family stuff.. Anything. I'm glad God let me meet you because you taught me a lot rin. I just don't want to see our friendship go to waste".

"Thanks Ken but I've just realized i have lots of friends. Guess this is goodbye. :-)"

"hope we can say hello again as friends mims" (yah, maybe in your dreams)

And so i deleted his number. Good thing i didn't know his number by heart. Very good thing.

Can you even imagine the pain I endured while talking to him about this? I was crying the whole time and I wanted to die so as not to feel that pain. Especially the moment when he said "Yes.. I do". And to think I still love him. But he doesn't love me anymore. he loves someone else.

And I've decided to close a chapter in my life. No more turning back.