Firsts

When you were a child up to probably now that you are reading this, there were lots of "first talks". At home, in school, out with friends, etc. You talk about your first walk, first word, first haircut, first step. You talk about the first computer, the first people on earth, first day of creation.You talk about your first crush, first date, first kiss... the list goes on. Aftert thinking about these things, how come we never talked about the first time we had our hearts broken? And how should we deal with it?

The first heartbreak, I believe, is so painful to the point that you would want to rather die than feel it. Especially if the people who did this to you were the ones you TRUSTED the most and the least likely to do such things. There are different degrees of pain. Mine probably weighs more on BETRAYAL. I wish I could tell more about the feeling but I am also a first-timer in this field.

It's really painful. I can't even believe that these people, with the kindness they've shown us before, are capable of doing things that would really cause so much pain to the people they once 'loved'... That is, unless, they were born with a 'me-first' attitude. They're so selfish that they wouldn't even bother if they could hurt people who've shown good things, and i mean GENUINELY good things, to them in the past. All they could care for are themselves. Their own happiness. Nothing more. They're just so plain fuckin' selfish. They probably live by these words, "i love ME and I would do anything to make ME/MYSELF happy". Don't get me wrong. It's not bad to make yourself happy. In fact that's healthy... but not at the expense of others!

Fine I have to congratulate them for taking risks. To quote Thomas Edison: "The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second, stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense." First, they worked hard not to stay apart because they were falling inlove with each other while still attached to their girlfriend / boyfriend. Second, they stuck to it - even if they knew it was so damn wrong and they could hurt people so badly. Third, they just used their common sense when they confessed to us about it and believed they did the right thing and we could easily be friends with them again. Selfishness in risk taking at its finest!

Firsts can be full of bullshit and fucked up moments. But it is with these firsts that make you a better, stronger, wiser person. In the end, you'd still have to thank the people who gave you your firsts. Thank them. Who knows? You might be miserable now because of what they did to you but don't let go of the fact that they might be the ones miserable in the end.

So when I think about my past with Ken - our first raket, our first alone time, our first dinner, our first movie, our first hug, our first 'i love you', our first out-of-town trip, our first fight, our first makeup, and a lot of other firsts... All of these only lead to my first heartbreak.